Black Veil

The walls are high, my heart is beating hard,
he is pressed up against me.... kissing me
his arms around me....his hands strong, feeling all of my skin…

I’m trapped in his love,
I am trapped in his scent…

I can hear him heavily breathing,
I have my eyes closed..

The pleasure is overwhelming… I don’t know where I am…

The thought of his lips on mine haunt me…

Its been a year ...maybe two..

Oh baby you are so forbidden, you are my forbidden love…

Sweet Nothing

I told the man I love that I love him.  Seems like a great thing doesn’t it, well no its not that simple.   I thought the day id love again would never come or it would be in traditional sequential steps you, and id be in a different place, for the most part I feel torn, that this happened.  Not that I regret him one bit…but under these circumstances it almost feels unfair.  I’m not sure who to turn to or ask if its going to be okay or even if I should wait, I’ve been getting closer more than ever with my parents and for the first time in a long time I went to church with them.  I thought maybe I could reach out to that greater power, I’m desperate I don’t know what to do.

Well not much has happened but happy to know I have some peace with myself I’m not going completely crazy like I thought this would go down. 

            So maybe I should tell you why I told him or how did I come to the conclusion that I, could be in love….

I haven’t felt this in a few years now; I actually thought it couldn’t happen, especially with a person that is available part time for me.  How can that be…

The independence and freedom I have attained is phenomenal I love it, but this itself made me realize that anywhere I am, any man I encounter, hot, funny, tall, muscular, successful, you name it …he is always on my mind.  The opportunity comes and the encounters are present but that doesn’t matter to me, I don’t want it I don’t want any of it…I know all along that all I want is that man.  The distance doesn’t make one difference.

I didn’t want to tell him and never did I think I needed to, but when I finally decided it would be over between him & I, I just told him, because in that moment I felt like I was hurting him… I felt he didn’t understand why I wanted him to leave me alone, not because I didn’t care but because I did l… I felt I was suffering too much and this love wasn’t worth the pain.   

These feelings or thoughts can’t really be exposed out in the open, the attraction and the feelings I have for him are effortless; I want him as my lover and my best friend.  

But that is all impossible.  All I can’t do now Is try to move on… I am cheating on my future with my past.

  

Its been a few days now maybe weeks that i wonder about you, my mind gets lost in thoughts of you, in trying to understand you... you are much sunshine but yet cause me so much pain, Ive poured myself out to you, but you cant do the same....have we come to the end?
And I Wonder....
When will we part?

When will you see the pain in my eyes and walk away

 And I wonder if you know  

I’ve exhausted all my efforts

I’ve giving you all my energy

I’ve given you all my love

You left me out in the dark

You left me out in the cold

Are you looking up at the moon baby?

When will we finally give up?

We bask in each other’s hearts

Living in that moment

That moment that is perfect

That moment when you are mine

And I wonder if you know this can all be true

But I’m going to say goodbye for a bit for I can’t bear this pain any longer

But if one day you realize  

And all you want is to run into my warmth

I’ll be here and I’ll be ready for you

But for now I cant do this any longer

For this happiness has turned into pain

Don’t take Anything Personally

"Nothings others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering".

This was posted by one of my good friends and I love it.

 Great example of last night.  I’ve got a little carried away and for that reason I felt disappointed… 

Glass shattered… but then again I must remember this is not about me, but his issue…What now? Nothing now…I trust the universe will take care of everything.

Good night beauties…the sun will rise once again

Wake me from this Dream

Memories of you haunt me we decided to part and go our own ways, but even with that he hasn’t let go.   I occasionally see his name in my phone where he asks me how I am.  I reply short and simple.  It only takes a few minutes before he looses him composure.  We knew, we always knew this was just temporary, and I didn’t have a problem with that we laughed and joked how our time together was nothing but a dream.  It was our dream for that moment we could do what we wanted be who we wanted but as soon as the night ended and the sun starting coming up it was over.  Why couldn’t he understand that?  He confused his infatuation for love...My mind couldn’t comprehend what he had just said to me.  Last night he appeared in my dreams, I woke this morning, opened my eyes…while trying to part my dreams from reality…

It was just a dream…you were just a dream.

Wicked Games

I thought i was done...its never over when its with him..Its a pause, then a rush, then I'm gone..then he is back..I feel his body so tightly against mine..i forget the words i want to say...

My heart is slowing down, am I sober, still alive?  Where am I?  He has a grip on me, he took over my mind. He calls it inception...its all a dream. I've been out of town couple days which helped my mind clear up a little..but there he was asking me to come home asking me to be faithful..telling me he can come to me. That is insane.  He wants me one minute he hates me other, what's the rush baby?
He left his girl at home...
He ask me to come close, he grabs me by my thighs running his hands  under my skirt he slowly opens my legs lifting me as he places me on top of him.. He says im all his...i dont hear anything else but myself moaning.

Its nothing but a wicked game.

And then Venus Came

Today Venus crossed the sun, the reason why the sun shinned so brightly.  I got to thinking how the sun shines everyday… but with Venus it was brighter than other days.  That happens to us, we walk alone just fine, but sometimes the walk becomes more joyful when it is with another person.  My mother & I have always read horoscopes for fun, she always felt an excitement when a new love came in my life.  I thought of her this week, as I saw myself come down from a possibility, from someone new.  New people coming in to my life is wonderful, since this year started I knew Id change things up, I knew I was ready to finally be open and welcome whatever may come my way…it is my ability to finally allow myself to love.  Im doing it & I don’t regret one thing, besides my ability to allow & love comes the understanding that nothing in life is definite.  You must learn to let go and learn the lesson.

Because it’s always a sunny day outside…