Its been a few days now maybe weeks that i wonder about you, my mind gets lost in thoughts of you, in trying to understand you... you are much sunshine but yet cause me so much pain, Ive poured myself out to you, but you cant do the same....have we come to the end?
And I Wonder....
When will we part?

When will you see the pain in my eyes and walk away

 And I wonder if you know  

I’ve exhausted all my efforts

I’ve giving you all my energy

I’ve given you all my love

You left me out in the dark

You left me out in the cold

Are you looking up at the moon baby?

When will we finally give up?

We bask in each other’s hearts

Living in that moment

That moment that is perfect

That moment when you are mine

And I wonder if you know this can all be true

But I’m going to say goodbye for a bit for I can’t bear this pain any longer

But if one day you realize  

And all you want is to run into my warmth

I’ll be here and I’ll be ready for you

But for now I cant do this any longer

For this happiness has turned into pain

Don’t take Anything Personally

"Nothings others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering".

This was posted by one of my good friends and I love it.

 Great example of last night.  I’ve got a little carried away and for that reason I felt disappointed… 

Glass shattered… but then again I must remember this is not about me, but his issue…What now? Nothing now…I trust the universe will take care of everything.

Good night beauties…the sun will rise once again

Wake me from this Dream

Memories of you haunt me we decided to part and go our own ways, but even with that he hasn’t let go.   I occasionally see his name in my phone where he asks me how I am.  I reply short and simple.  It only takes a few minutes before he looses him composure.  We knew, we always knew this was just temporary, and I didn’t have a problem with that we laughed and joked how our time together was nothing but a dream.  It was our dream for that moment we could do what we wanted be who we wanted but as soon as the night ended and the sun starting coming up it was over.  Why couldn’t he understand that?  He confused his infatuation for love...My mind couldn’t comprehend what he had just said to me.  Last night he appeared in my dreams, I woke this morning, opened my eyes…while trying to part my dreams from reality…

It was just a dream…you were just a dream.

Wicked Games

I thought i was done...its never over when its with him..Its a pause, then a rush, then I'm gone..then he is back..I feel his body so tightly against mine..i forget the words i want to say...

My heart is slowing down, am I sober, still alive?  Where am I?  He has a grip on me, he took over my mind. He calls it inception...its all a dream. I've been out of town couple days which helped my mind clear up a little..but there he was asking me to come home asking me to be faithful..telling me he can come to me. That is insane.  He wants me one minute he hates me other, what's the rush baby?
He left his girl at home...
He ask me to come close, he grabs me by my thighs running his hands  under my skirt he slowly opens my legs lifting me as he places me on top of him.. He says im all his...i dont hear anything else but myself moaning.

Its nothing but a wicked game.

And then Venus Came

Today Venus crossed the sun, the reason why the sun shinned so brightly.  I got to thinking how the sun shines everyday… but with Venus it was brighter than other days.  That happens to us, we walk alone just fine, but sometimes the walk becomes more joyful when it is with another person.  My mother & I have always read horoscopes for fun, she always felt an excitement when a new love came in my life.  I thought of her this week, as I saw myself come down from a possibility, from someone new.  New people coming in to my life is wonderful, since this year started I knew Id change things up, I knew I was ready to finally be open and welcome whatever may come my way…it is my ability to finally allow myself to love.  Im doing it & I don’t regret one thing, besides my ability to allow & love comes the understanding that nothing in life is definite.  You must learn to let go and learn the lesson.

Because it’s always a sunny day outside… 

Stay a little Longer

After a beautiful carefree time off work,im back. been six working
days but ten days of not being at work. So i got to thinking
without work i have no structure. But do i really need it?
Being free all day & having not much to worry, nowhere
to rush & no real deadline to meet. There is no alarm clock
going off or desk i have to sit at. There is no morning commute or
same lunch hour. Omygosh! i was free.  So i come back to
work & i dont want to loose my freedom rythym, i come
back with my hair air dried, flat sandals & the minimal
makeup. Vacation me, is not completely gone..work, schedules
and obligations creates a sharp individual, with
a calender & a day of rush with a pattern of awakening and
sleeping...mankind is a force of robots...if we didnt have
all these universe rules & we can just live everyday
as if we wish as if it possibly may be our last, im
sure a few of you would do things different, have a beer and
relax, go visit your family, take a day & do nothing.
The best thing was going to the beach with friends laying out
having fun & not worrying about thing..no rush..just the
ocean & the sun...

Swim in the Deep Sea


I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company.
— Henry Miller


Hello Beauties…its been a couple days of this mind blowing mental vacation.  I’ve taken a few days for myself…to be to relax and to do the beauty of nothing…just indulging in anything that makes me the happiest; my family my friends and with that comes adventure and peace within.  It has been wonderful, I feel I’m smiling inside and out with the sun shinning on my skin.  This time is perfect to reflect and get rid of the toxic I’ve been carrying on my shoulders…to be free of the dark circles under my eyes…to feel my face genuinely smile and hear the sound of laughter.  Some say running away is not a solution but I don’t call it running it away I call it stepping back and viewing the circumstances from a different angle, from a more serene and far away angle where things are smaller and less serious where actually they look so small they don’t even matter.

Live life by the 3C’s: 

Choices Chances & Changes

       I just read an article called “How to Be Happy” by Krystle C.

You may be wondering why I’m reading such thing so late at night? Well there is never a bad time to read good stuff and let the good vibes flow and besides that I’m a junkie of self help and anything that makes me feel good happy.

The article explained that happiness doesn’t have much to do with material goods but with the outlook on life and the quality of relationships of the people in your life.  It is your choice to perceive each situation with a positive perspective.  Ever wonder why some people have it so good? Well they don’t have it any better than you, they just to choose to look at things different and make the best of life.  Life will give you bumps in the road, it is your choice to change things around. 

            There were ten factors to help one be happy, although what stood out to me the most was forgiveness.  There was study found that an attitude of forgiveness some how reflected a better cardiovascular health and forgiveness literally heals the heart.  Whoa that is amazing and good to hear.  So my friends start forgiving others and yourself and take a deep breath you are doing something great for yourself.  Its sometimes you may feel like you can’t but yes you can, try and remember just because you are forgiving a person does not mean they need to be in your life.  Forgive and release that is my personal tip not from the article. Something to think about…

The last two nights the moon was massive and beautiful everyone was calling It the super moon…hope you all were looking up at it.

Sleep tight beauties tomorrow, the sun will rise once again!

Let it Play !

This is not a race, you don't have to run
You might even slow down, take a look around
you have nothing to prove
Know that in your heart that your song was sung
Dont go with your song still inside you
Let it guide you everyday
So if you loose it all, you can feel like you still won...

            The SHIFT

Are you kidding me?? This feels awesome.

What happened?

Tired of feeling shitty? Physically exhausted? Mind going bananas ? Feeling emotional unstable? Yes to any of those questions? Well I have a treat for you…

Something inside me has been changing…I’m tired…I’m tired of complaining of feeling sad of feeling shitty…I want to change that i want all bad out…

I've surrendered things I’ve held on oh so tightly; let go of control…letting things be…all i want to be free.

I drove with the window down, hair blowing in my hair, while listening to jazz…gosh it sounds beautiful… I'm smiling more…things are looking up

What is my purpose in life? My purpose is to truly be happy! There is nothing else… let things be.   I have everything I need.

Which brings me to a few nights ago…my stress level was soaring & I needed a little guidance, I was searching for the spirit junkie within me where was she?

Something I had in my memory but had forgotten about…that night I though…Dr.Wayne Dyer made a film called “The Shift” I should watch it…after some downloading glitches I found it..i watched 20mins one night another 20mins early morning just enough to keep me going through the day to remind me of all the things Dr. Dyer said in the film…listen up!

He said “Every single person and things that happens and comes into your life is RIGHT ON TIME, just how its suppose to happen” woah I realized, there I was one week earlier breaking my head asking so many whys…well they were part of a lesson part of a teaching…I can truly accept now. Thank you.

He also explained how people wonder what their meaning in life is…their purpose and your and mine purpose is to truly be happy.  Be happy now, stop thinking that after you have what you are chasing is going to make you happy.  Every moment of your life, be grateful for it.  Be kind to others…. and instead of thinking of yourself, think of how you can be of service.  How can you make someone else’s life different? 

Life is great, life is just what it needs to be…I need to let go and stop chasing…it will all come to me… with purpose  & with real meaning….

& i did just that...here i am listening to my jazz having my wine & most importantly writting (doing what i love)

thanks for the love everyone ! I truly appreciate everyone in my life you are all so special to me.

Where is the Moon? 
....All I see is the Sun

My cry for help was finally heard

This is not the first time I’ve felt helpless where I knew I’ve gone far enough

And I had no where else to turn

When running can help me no more

I started asking for help

To be released

It’s when I know l cant feel any worst

When my I’m ready and willing …things are dropped into my lap

I feel as if I get pulled out of a hole

Only a couple days and already the sun looks brighter

Thank you thank you thank you

House of Lies & Secrets

When you are dreaming with a broken heart waking up is the hardest part

In bed for a moment you can hardy breath

Its heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin

No one really wins

How come the only way to know how high you get me

Is to see how far I fall

Good to know It is all a game

Disappointment has a name



credits: John Mayer

Ready? Set... Breathe

            The last month has been hectic haywire, counting down since Valentines week I’ve had a full load x10: to accomplish and to tackle; I have been speeding down the fast lane, with my personal life and professional life and especially my lust life.

            I decided to take thing up a notch and well that can come with its rewards and consequences.  Doing everything full force, no stopping what I do, I just do.  I have been meeting quite a few interesting characters…I’ve been exploring saying yes to different kind of men.  I always say Its really not me to get all into the dating world. But if I’m doing it does it make it the new me? 

            Let me just put this short and quick, I’ve been going through some major changes, and have been accepting change like I’ve never have before.   My days are not only a blur, they are a different color...Im on a thrill ride not knowing when I’ll hit a sharp turn.  

But finally I can sit down and breathe, now time to unpack.

48 Hours

What an amazing weekend !
Tired? No, I just started...

It’s a beautiful feeling to know how great life really is, important not to forget my life is awesome.

I’m free, I’m single... and I can do what ever the fuck I want!

Let the good times roll…

xo,

The Lady

A Drink & A Distraction

The last couple of days I’ve been sad, sick and mind fucking myself. 

I wrote myself a note…

Why are you hurting yourself? You can stop, you can stop whenever you want, did you forget all you know?

It goes back to that simple question…Did you forget?

I dragged my weak and sad ass to the bar.

I agreed to meet with the man of persistence; the one who calls everyday, wants to see me all the time, makes me laugh and the best thing about him… he is available. Fuck that is great.

After a great night with him, I haven’t answered his calls or his text, why you may ask?  

1. I don’t care,

2. I don’t want him.

In the process of chasing what I thought may keep me happy, I did some damage to myself...
Im done hurting, Im done.

Adios...

Wake me up from this Dream

I got to thinking about ambitions and accomplishments…what drives us?

For every goal there is a prize.  Do you ever ask your self that?

My drive is success & happiness. 

Everything in life is a chase…I’ve chased after certain things in life, so hard…I’ve wanted things so bad and I get them, better said…I earn them.

Once I do, I raise the bar, I want more and more.

So what happens when it comes to men?

The Stock Market


So i got to thinking about the stock market, one invest with the desire to earn big profit...never to loose. With the luxury of insider trading if one knows your stocks will go down...the logic thing to do is sell your stocks right?  So if you don't know? When is it okay to take a risk...a big risk...with the possibility of losing it all... including yourself?

The fog is clearing up, and suddenly I’m starting to see things for what they really are.

Now I’m sitting here in an empty room wondering…quite a few things...

Found the Sunshine at the end of the Day

I can’t remember what is wrong

Well I’ve been happy now for way too long

We got a lot more to go

How can it be that a fish in the sea can feel like its completely alone?

I found a needle in the hay

I found the sunshine at the end of the day

It doesn’t have to be now,

I have all the time in the world

I’m not sure if any one can understand

Guess what, the world may never know

Credits: Dr. Dog 

Bases Loaded?

He said to me “Life will throw you curveballs”

I know what he meant by that…for I’ve heard the expression before…

So what do I do?

Instantly I think of dodging it…why? One may wonder.

Well in the game of baseball swinging and missing a curveball…counts as a strike…

Three strikes you are out!

So I got to thinking…

All I want to do is get on base…my ultimate goal is to run home.

Throw me enough curveballs…I will avoid them, four balls get me on base.

Its easy…right? Wrong…

Why take a chance and take a swing at a bad pitch?

Watch the ball...know the game…get home.

 Swing for a good pitch…end of story.

A Night at the Freak Show

One whole week I waited with excitement, I played out the amazing night I had with him few nights ago…I couldn’t wait to see him…

So the day finally came, and bam, crash, doom!

I couldn’t connect the two, his incredibly good looks with his personality, he carried a negative attitude with a crappy perception of others and life...whomp whomp what a downer…

Common!!! I thought this must be the perfect place to have a date…DTLA the night is bright…art everywhere and so many good vibes...but here I was with a guy that couldn’t see all the beauty around him.

I couldn’t wait for the date to end I just wanted him to stop talking and his laugh…eeeh aweful

I laughed as I though in my head dating was a circus…I had a ticket to the freak show.

Out of Left Field    

  Repeatedly I said Its not the right time for me, too many times I was too afraid to take a second date…In my eyes being selfish and sticking to my plan was what I would do. I’m not into dating not right now…I’ve been saying that for over a year now… casual sex was the exception of course but I had to make sure I separated emotion from it but that was a different blog…
So back to the story... Two summers ago I came to the conclusion that love took away from who I was, it made my life crazy, little bits of me were chipped away…I told myself I would not be in that same place ever again.  How could I control this…? What was my motive? I had to learn how to make myself happy,  no man would change that.  Yes! Exactly. So I got to work.

            So I’ve taken care of myself, I’ve done well, I might have got out of track but put myself back on the road…riding solo.  Few nights ago…out of left field (so Im told) I met a guy… it wasn’t the night you’d imagine.  I hung out with five guys sitting next to us (my gf from AZ and her x-bf brother) I know crazy & weird? The night was wild for everyone…except for me...I was sober.  So while she danced it up with some dude and the x-bf ‘s brother was passed out drunk, I made friends with the guys…they all where respectful and cool.  Just talking to all of them in a norm conversation.  We talked about real life stuff not something I would usually do at a bar. RIGHT?

            One of the guys I hit it off with…I didn’t look spectacular that night just my normal work clothes…so I wondered why he took my number…in my mind I though, he thinks I’m cool okay so we can be friends!

We met the following night for dancing. There was a calibrating vibe, he was wonderful and extremely attractive. Felt as if I had known him and his touch…what is it about him?  He kissed me goodnight & said he had to see me again….I smiled and said yes.

I’m going for it, but I’m going to do things right… 

To be continued ladies…

Hello Giggles !!!

I know I know Im a bit crazy over the new year, the big 2012..im not sure what is different but im excited, I have been excited...it could be because its new.. i love new things, new people.yes yes yes!!

Well... there is wonderful website called hellogiggles.com with the cutest and funniest info.  I was reading the post by Erin Foster, “ New Year, New Habits” id like to share this part, which i felt is awesome and very true...enjoy beauties!

January 1^st is always the moment of truth.

I’m so busy anticipating the disappointment that I never even find out if it is going to be disappointing. The anxiety about something is always worse than the actual thing you are worried about. Putting off a phone call that you’re nervous to make and spending a week losing sleep over it and getting knots in your stomach thinking about it is so much worse than the moment you finally pick up the phone and just say what you need to say.

It’s always the party you didn’t plan on going to that you have the best time at. It’s the person you underestimated who impresses you. It’s the thing you’ve obsessed over that doesn’t end up being what you wanted. We never know how things are gonna go. If we stopped jumping ahead and trying to know what’s ahead, we would enjoy where we are a little more.

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions unless you made them for yourself every week instead of every year. Use this week as an excuse to better yourself, but do it again next month. And stop ruining everything with needing to know the outcome before it’s even over!

Tone it up Tuesday!

So, its the beginning of the year when the gyms are be crowded and plenty of women are talking about diets...but ladies... ladies...being healthy & fit is a lifestyle...not a season nor done in a cram session its the way you live your life.  Eat clean & live happy... 
Here is some useful information to know compliments of K&K from the Tone it Up team.

Where are the harsh chemicals hidden? Diet coke and most diet sodas, most flavored waters (unless all natural), splenda packets when you get your coffee, boxed 'diet' foods, non-organic yogurt (which is loaded, by the way), sugar-free coffee creamers, some 'protein bars' and some protein powders that aren't organic. You should be able to pronounce all ingredients on the side of your packaging. This is SO important. You're now asking, well what do I eat!? Ask us anytime, but stick to real food that is LEAN & CLEAN.

What do we drink instead of soda? A nice glass of water will do. We like adding crushed fresh fruit to our water. Instead of splenda in your coffee, add some all natural honey or 1 natural sugar packet. YES, we want you to have calories instead of chemicals. You're abs and body will thank us later. What about yogurt? Instead of the non-organic yogurts, grab an all natural kind, like 0%-1% Chobani, Fage, or Stonyfield Greek yogurt~ they're loaded with protein too!

And speaking of protein... protein never upset anyone's stomach. If you're eating lean, clean protein, you will not get gassy or bloated. Why do some protein powders cause this? It's not the protein, but the chemicals that are in them to mask the taste. We like organic, sprouted brown rice protein. We've fallen victim to the protein powders before, so check your labels and don't make our mistake too. 

-Credits to the Tone it Up team. Thank you!

Are you there?

I have a crazy love for the canyons, for the outdoors, for the sight of beautiful things.  May be the high elevation the breath taking views whatever it is...when I am up here, its just me, nothing matters, my mind is vacant, which takes me to a new trail I just visited today…

When questions start to ransack my entire brain, i know it's time to go to the canyons. the sloping hills, and smell of decaying wood brings a strange sort of peace for the individuals here. You're protected from the outside world of emails, texts, obligations, while you traverse around the roots, you admire the bent limbs, and contemplate how it will outgrow you and the person behind you. the crunching of yellow leaves under your foot makes you want to sear that moment into your brain for the later years, when you won't be capable of walking so fast and once that thought goes through, you'll probably launch into an impromptu sprint, running as fast as you can and when you reach the clearing, all you'll see is a mass of blue and light, so bright, you'll have to cover your eyes…and for a moment, you will be happy. and just for a moment, you will be at peace. and you'll go back to your life, until the next time the questions start again don't worry, the canyon will be waiting here for you.


Credits to Sue Z.